"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Thursday, July 04, 2013

speak now #15: the slut factor

Now Playing: Body Love by Mary Lambert (love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet)


Sophie: UWA Women's Affairs Officer. Tequila lover. Feminist. Vegetarian. All-round amazeballs human being. 

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

Ok, so I'm the UWA Women's Affairs Officer for this year, I'm a vegetarian, I really like makeup and combat boots and recently invested in some seriously mind blowing leather pants. I'm a literature and Ancient History student, second year. I drink tequila almost exclusively but have a mild flirtation with pear cider. On my bedroom wall is a giant picture of the female sex organ, that I drew myself. What else would you like to know?

Man, I love pear cider. Um...how would you label your gender identity and sexual orientation?

I'm basically as straight as it's possible to be. I kiss my best friend Alyssa on the lips- usually when we're both sober, I'm not a drunk hookup girl with EITHER gender, but we're really close and very affectionate - our way of greeting each other is usually grabbing both of each others' boobs.

Our culture has made that kind of taboo though, don't you think? Like if you're straight people look down on you if have any kind of intimacy with someone of the same gender. What are your thoughts on that?

I think it's silly. I don't think the fact that I kiss my best friend makes me anything less than completely straight - I would never even think of doing anything sexual with a woman, just not my thing (but if it is your thing, go you, you're awesome)- I think it's just that my best friend and I are comfortable, and it's a human way of showing affection, but we also kind of enjoy making people feel uncomfortable and awkward by being inappropriate. That's sort of my attitude on all things really - body image, and sexuality, and what's "acceptable" and so on - I just tend to do the exact opposite to fuck with people. Serves them right for judging in the first place

As women's affairs officer at UWA, what do you think are some problems/societal issues facing women in Australia at the moment?

I think one of the biggest issues is the scary nature of "feminism". It's a word that's become attached to some very negative connotations, especially at our campus, and I've sort of been looked down on for identifying as a feminist. So my "mission", I guess, this year, has been to implement what I call "mainstream" feminism, which is basically like, making everyone I possible can realise that they're probably a feminist without noticing. Do you believe in equal pay? You're probably a feminist!
Do you think women don't belong in the kitchen, but have the right to be there if they so wish? HEY, YOU'RE A FEMINIST!

Another one is this concept of "slut shaming" which is basically making women feel bad for acting like men and being sexually promiscuous, and is usually linked to criticisms of women's more "revealing" clothing and is also inherently tied in with Rape Culture. I've been combatting that by wearing completely see through shirts that show of my rather fabulous bra collection. My approach has sort of been to take a problem and challenge it directly, by myself.

Can the negative reaction to some of the things you do get intimidating? There was quite a bit of a backlash to my blog and that was pretty scary for me.

It's REALLY intimidating, and quite upsetting. When it gets back to me it can send me into a downward spiral pretty quickly, but after about twenty four hours I just get MAD - and then I just push the boundaries further

Could you describe some of the reactions that people have had?

Basically people have literally said to my face or through the grapevine that what I wore on certain occasions was slutty/inappropriate/unprofessional. Which really pissed me off, I think I get criticised a lot more because of my position. Other members of guild council have stripped down on occasion for things like Prosh Olympics - and good on them, why the hell not? And no one bats an eyelid - but when I do it - and I should mention, I'm incredibly comfortable with my body, I like how I look, and what I put on it is no one elses damn business- there's like, a freaking riot.

Why do you think there is such a double standard in how men and women are perceived and treated in society, in terms of what they wear, perceived promiscuity, etc...?

I think it's just become the status quo. It's an entrenched system of thought - and it's definitely perpetuated by beauty and clothing industries alike, most forms of advertising and pretty much anyone trying to make money benefits from the sexualisation of women. I think it definitely originially stemmed from the sort of biblical or religious need to control women, if you like, because we were seen as too emotional and irrational and needed to know our place. I know that's obviously completely archaic but in the end its an attitude that we can still identify in culture, but it's just morphed into something else.

I know how I dress has changed a lot since coming to uni and becoming more comfortable with my body and people have not been too happy about that.

I think that's another issue that people have had to grapple with in our society - the sole purpose of women isn't to be attractive to men

I've noticed that when people are criticising how people dress and comport they're usually criticising people who are super attractive or people who are not conventionally beautiful.

I kind of agree and kind of don't. I feel like you should work with what you have. Some clothes (in fact most) are not designed to look good on certain bodies. And that sucks, I know. I can't wear skinny jeans, because despite being tiny, they just don't cover my apple butt. So I get levis and things that look insanely good. So I kind of feel like, for a lot of women, they feel like they should wear and look good in clothes they're probably not comfortable in, so why bother? If something doesn't look typically "good" on you because of your size, but you LOVE it, ok, excellent, PLEASE NEVER TAKE IT OFF, but if you're just wearing it to please society, and it doesn't suit you, take it off.

Oh, of course, but I don't know if how people dress is fair game for mockery; and it can lead to fat shaming and slut shaming and all that lovely stuff.

I completely agree, you still shouldn't criticise other people. I guess I feel like - ok, take "juvies" for example. You know the ones that all wear the same clothes regardless of their size? ANd a lot of people are like, that bigger girl shouldn't wear those short shorts because they look "bad" on her and I don't want to see it. The reason I have a problem with both the action, and the comment, is because A) OF course the shorts look bad on her, they were designed for a twelve year old boy.  She isn't wearing them because she wants to, she's wearing those shorts because they're cheap and everyone else is wearing them too, and c) I DONT CARE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE, DON'T BURN YOUR RETINA ON HER ACCOUNT

I feel like a lot of girls are feeling like the conflicting pressure to be sexy but not be slutty and it's really hard to walk the line on that - I have been called a prude and a slut and I am very confused as to how you can be both.

I think men can massively contribute - it's my one and only argument for having a men's officer at UWA - to make changes from within. If men - and women for that matter - had more of an active role taking care of women while they're out, then we wouldn't have a problem. Don't teach girls how to dress, teach men not to rape. I have a friend who, when at a club, if he sees a girl who is drunk as a giraffe - or, as Jenna Marbles would say, "high as giraffe pussy", and being hit on by a guy who's trying to take her home, he'll usually walk over and check she's ok, and maybe encourage her to get a taxi home alone if she's not, and it's something I've started doing too. It's a weird concept because at first you feel like you're intruding but I've had a couple of girls recognize me at other events and come up to me and thank me. And I know another guy who will deliberately make sure he walks on the other side of the road to women when walking home - because he doesn't want to make them feel scared in case they think they're being followed. Which is really cute. I think there is no line, because to me, "SLUTTY" isn't a label that exists. I don't acknowledge the word anymore if I can help it, it's not a thing. It's not a concept we really have for men, especially in terms of clothing, so why do we have to have one pertaining to women?

Exactly - there are hardly any words with a negative connotation related to the perceived promiscuity of men.

Exactly. "Man whore" is almost a compliment. It's an achievement to sleep with more women. That's definitely not a perception encouraged just by men, women can be just as bad when it comes to judging each other

Slut shaming also impacts men, too - I know lots of men who are virgins and they don't feel comfortable with that.

Yeah exactly, it's almost the opposite for men. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN HAVE AN OPINION ON OTHER PEOPLES' SEX LIVES? SO MANY WORLD ISSUES WOULD BE SOLVED IF THAT WASNT A THING.

To be honest, I've wanted to do this sex education series on my blog for ages but I felt like I couldn't because I'm a virgin. Then I realised that virginity itself is a social construct, and I know what I'm talking about whether or not I've had sex. I think this obsession with other peoples' sex lives is kind of creepy, and also very confusing; you're doomed whether you have sex or not because there is criticism either way.

Definitely. And I really like that you think the whole thing is a social construct - I agree. I still think that losing your virginity is a big deal, but it's also not because your virginity is a sacred, precious thing, especially if you're a woman. It's because you've become an adult in a way. Sex might also be for pleasure but it's biological root - at least for penis in vagina sex, is procreation, so at the heart of that is the concept of parenthood and that's a pretty adult concept

I also don't like how people define virginity - as in like penis-in-vagina; as if that's the only kind of sex ever in the whole world.

Yeah, I agree. I think it kind of reinforces patriarchal attitudes towards sex and reproduction. ANY GENITAL CONTACT. IS SEX. HOORAY. And I think even if you're not having penis in vagina sex, that adulthood concept is still there. Maybe not through procreation but at least because of the level of intimacy.

EXACTLY. Actually, I had an epiphany when I was trying to figure out if I was a virgin or not, and then I was like...you know what...I no longer care.

As a young woman do you feel safe in public spaces; like at parties/at night/on public transport etc?

I do, for the most part. I like to think I'm a bit of A Badass, and to be perfectly honest, if someone crosses me, I tend to tear them apart verbally or push them away from me. I don't deal well with being touched by drunk people and if someone gets in my way at a club I give them the dirtiest look I possibly can. It sounds rude but gives me a fairly wide radius to dance which is good. I also frequent uni parties rather than clubs, because that's where I feel most comfortable, knowing everybody around me, and I feel like I have a certain level of authority because of my position. Another thing I do is I don't stay in one place for long - I think it might be related to my anxiety; but I just don't stick with one group for very long at all, I have to keep wandering and dancing and mingling. Walking home by myself I usually feel safe. I know my area pretty well and I've learnt to walk with purpose and keep my phone out, and at least look like I'm texting someone. And I tend to actually pick someone I know will be awake and text them and let them know I'm walking  home and to stay in touch with me, that helps. It's nice when my guy friends offer to walk me home but I usually refuse, to be honest.

Do you think chivalry has a place in the context of modern society, or do you think it's inherently sexist?

I've got this really interesting thing going on where my beliefs are kind of an intersection between feminism and traditionalism. I was raised by old fashioned, British parents and on my mother's side especially I come from a very old English family (my grandfather is a lord in the House of Lords) so you can imagine how conservative we can be. I think chivalry is incredibly important - but it's a respect thing. It's not because women are weak and need looking after, it's because we should be shown respect - especially if you want to impress us. Think of how special you feel as a woman when a man holds a door open for you - my date the other night opened the car door for me and it was pretty much the most flattering thing ever. I'm quite happy to hold the door open for men, to buy them dinner, and so on, because we're equal and I can, but chivalry is like a way of saying "I know you're perfectly capable, but I want to do it for you anyway". And I think if more men were raised to be chivalrous and respectful of women we would have a lot less problems in society.

So chivalry should be a gender neutral thing?

Yeah, I kind of think so. I think it's just shown in different ways - Guys that are chivalrous open doors and stuff like that, but I would express the same respect in different ways. I would feel a little weird taking a guy out for dinner, but if I wanted to make an effort and show respect I would do something like renting a movie he really liked, or sitting down and learning how to play his favourite video game, or whatever. I know that sounds really old fashioned and kind of perpetuates gender roles. But those are just my beliefs, it doesn't make me less of a feminist.

Do you find that people think that you're less of a feminist or that you're sexist because you are cisgender and heterosexual and might have some 'old fashioned' values?

I hope not.

I don't think people see you like that. If they do they're asshats because I love you. What is your opinion on the depiction of gender and sexuality in the media and how this affects things like body image and attitudes towards sexuality amongst young people?

I think it's always going to be one of those things that is just there, but what we need to teach young people is how to not let it affect you, how to take only the positives away from it. I had some really excellent English teachers, and our modules on advertising in high school were things I paid a lot of attention to - so now I know exactly what an advert is trying to get me to think and why, so I'm not anywhere near as affected by it.

Sophie is the 2013 UWA Women's Affairs Officer who has gained some notoriety for her Axe the Tampon Tax Campaign, which we hope to discuss here at some point. Sophie is also the head honcho of the amazing Bare Truth Campaign that I am a part of, and is an amazing friend and inspiration for people of all sexes and genders on campus. If you would like to be interviewed, interview me or write a guest article, please contact me! Stay tuned and stay beautiful! 


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